“She’s straight.” My friend says to her bestie, frowning. Bestie’s mouth opens wide in shock. “I don’t believe her.”
Maybe straight girls exist, but I’m increasingly skeptical. Something like 87% of women have a sexual fantasy that involves another woman, and the others describe their sexuality something other than strictly heterosexual on the Kinsey Scale. I suppose it doesn’t matter how anyone identifies. All I can say is I get a lot of questions from women about what eating pussy is like, and I think it’s so intimidating it can become this thing that stands in the way of making fantasy reality. So, whether you are just curious, strictly-straight, bisexual or even leaning-lesbian, let me walk you through it. I think there are basically two parts: overcoming your own fear, and then feeling confident on the how-to.
Overcoming Fear
When I was thinking about being with a woman sexually, I loved to fantasize about kissing her, caressing her breasts and her stomach, grabbing her ass. But I would get almost queasy at the idea of going down on her. Of course, I’ve gotten my pussy eaten loads of times, in theory, I know what to do. What quan?
Let’s call a spade a spade: cunnilingus is not lauded in society. The pussy is often shamed for having a smell. I think knowing my pussy had a taste always worried me. How do I know if it tastes good, or right? This fear and insecurity I had about my own pussy then gets projected onto other women. I’m asking myself if I’m going to like how she tastes or be disgusted. What if I don’t like it?
To overcome the fear of pussy-eating, I had to overcome the fear of my own pussy. With hair or without. How it smells today. How it changes. I had to taste it.
You have to taste your pussy. When you taste your own pussy and realize how mild and fresh it tastes, so much of your fears will melt away. You will realize, like me, that once again, society tricked you into feeling bad about something natural. You can stop fearing someone going down on you and rejecting you for being unpleasant because you know how tasty you are. And you can stop fearing another woman’s cooch because you’ll realize that all these fears about coochie smells and tastes are unfair and overblown. When we fear how we taste, we fear how other women will taste. When we love how we taste, we know we can love how other women taste. Indeed this has been true for me, I’ve never disliked how a pussy tastes. It’s delicious.
When you think about your pussy, how do you feel toward it? Do you need to apologize for anything or make amends? Maybe you are like me and you shamed her for how she looks. Can you own up to your part in the shaming and ask her for forgiveness? What does she need from you to feel loved? The more you love, accept, and embrace your pussy, the more you will love other people’s.
What if I’m not good at it?
The second-most fear I hear is, “What if I’m not good at it.” I was super worried about this. I’ve had people go down on me who were not good, and it was not pleasant. I would hate for that to be me.
The first thing to do is to start to notice what you like. Pay attention when you masturbate. Think, how would I do this motion on another person? When your partner is eating you out, try to imagine what their mouth is doing. You can even ask them what they are doing, how and when, to help you link what you are feeling to what they are doing. Interview people you know who eat pussy, ask them for instructions and advice. In my experience, people are always thrilled to share details about an area of their life they’ve spent countless hours building expertise.
Next, consider visualization. What would you do, if you could? When you think about a woman you want to go down on, what do you want to do? Often, if we can relax and allow ourselves to be natural, sex acts also feel natural, unrestrained, and pleasurable. Visualizing in advance will help you stay relaxed (rather than panicking) when you get to the main event because, to your mind, you’ve literally been here before. Consider watching porn or googling images of pussies so you can familiarize yourself with its many beautiful forms and internalize that these are beautiful, knowledge-wielding powerhouses, there is nothing about them that isn’t beautiful. Allow yourself to get excited about it. Consider masturbating to you performing the act. This too will help you determine what you find hot about it and help you make your fantasies a reality in the moment. For example, I like to imagine a girl sitting on my face–the visuals!–so that was a position I was eager to try.
Now, in terms of straight instructions, it’s easiest for me to treat the pussy like a mini-cock. I do all the same things. I build anticipation by taking my time on the way down, kissing inner thighs, the pubic bone. I make out with it. I lick it and lap it up. I might turn my head sideways and lick at a perpendicular angle. I suck on it lightly, increasing intensity if desired. Music can help a lot to help you establish an unspoken but reliable rhythm. I find figuring out the angles on inserting fingers intimidating. If this is true for you, you can skip it and/or practice on yourself to get a better sense. Generally, you want to follow the natural curvature of her body, scooping upwards slightly. Always start with one small finger that you’ve gotten wet in your mouth first, then build up to more and/or non-linear movements like gentle circles. Best of all, be sure to ask: “Do you like one finger, two, or all tongue?”
The person you are giving head will be giving you feedback. Listen to that feedback. If you do something and she moans like she likes it, keep doing that. If she squirms, back off a little. You’ll be able to feel her self-lubricating, that’s a sign you’re doing good. Smile. If you ever feel out of your depths, take a break and get into a position to pleasure her clit with your fingers like you would yourself. This is something you know you can do. If you can make yourself come with your hands, you can certainly make another woman come with your hands. Finally, if you are really feeling out of your depths, have her sit on your face. Stick your tongue out, grab her ass, and encourage her to ride. Never forget, pleasuring others should be pleasurable for you too! If it feels good to you, trust it feels good for her too. The same is true in the reverse.
I leave you with this. Think back to the first time you had sex. Can you honestly say you were good at it? I can’t. How could I have been? Everything I’ve ever been good at in my life has taken countless hours of practice. So, don’t worry. When you tell someone you are new to this but enthusiastic about trying, they will give you grace. They were new once too. They want you. They want to have fun with you. So make it fun. Don’t take yourself too seriously, there is no way you can expect to be as good as your favorite partner is the first time! You don’t have to make anyone come. Take that pressure off. Her orgasm is about her, not you. Have fun getting your 10,000 hours of pussy-eating practice in. It’s all for fun.
Many blessings to you as you explore, pussy-galore!
Honey
