If you are in a couple where the husband identifies as bi-curious or bisexual, you might wonder whether you should so state on your Lifestyle profile. Perhaps you fear that couples won’t want to play with you due to latent homophobia, or will get a wrong-idea that you always want bisexual male play involved in your hookups. Perhaps, in determining what to do, you’ve turned to Reddit (r/swingers), and seen the following advice:
“If you put on your Lifestyle profile that you are a bi-curious or bisexual man, 99% of couples will pass on you.”
This advice is repeated and touted as law. But it’s not our experience at all.
About a year ago, Mr. Honey bravely put bi-curious on our profiles across every account. Bi-attraction is still pretty rare for him, and we don’t expect bisexual play in every or even any play situations. But we like to be honest and forthcoming, so it is on our page. He feared that, like he was told growing up, if people (especially women) thought he might be interested in men, he would lose out on opportunities with women.
That couldn’t be further from our lived experience in Lifestyle settings. Turns out, other women are often like me: we find bisexuality in men super arousing. A lot of women we meet wish their husbands were bisexual and are enthusiastic about the opportunity to witness bisexual male play. The only time Mr. Honey played publicly with a man–they kissed over my shoulder while spit-roasting me in a club playroom–women literally cheered, saying “More!” and “That’s so hot.” I agree.
And we can’t say we’ve noticed a decline in interest as a result of adding it to our profiles. We still get lots of clicks, and lots of messages following clicks. Maybe this is because homophobia is genuinely declining, or is perhaps even more taboo than bisexuality in men today. Or maybe this is because we are smoking hot. Either way, the reddit advice is outdated and not accurate, at least for us.
My guess? The people giving that advice are not hot. If you aren’t hot, then 99% of couples will pass on you, bi-curious man or not.
In sum, I wouldn’t worry about listing your sexuality accurately on your profile. For us, it opens a door sometimes, and otherwise appears to have no negative consequences. And if someone is homophobic and/or makes improper inferences from Mr. Honey’s stated sexuality, we don’t want to play with them anyway.
And for the couples providing this bi-negative advice on Reddit, prove me wrong with pics. <3
Love,
Honey