So you want to swing? Welcome to the wonderful world of couples who often describe themselves as “crazy about each other,” “sluts,” “crazy bitches,” and “interested in all this life has to offer.” Here you will find people who are crafting life’s rules for themselves; who are not prudish about nudity; who are open minded and embracing of deviant thoughts. But how, exactly, do you get started? There are a few ways. Below are three options from least effort to most effort. When I say conversion rate, I mean likelihood of meeting a couple you like and playing.
Option A) Clubs
There are lots of ways to enter the lifestyle or dip a toe in to see if you like the vibe. If you live in a major city, and you like going out, enter “lifestyle club” or “swingers club” into your maps app and you’ll see what’s around. You can also search reddit: r/swingers or r/[cityname]swingers to learn about the clubs or events in your area. New York, Los Angeles, Houston, Philadelphia, Chicago, Atlanta, Fort Lauderdale, Denver, Las Vegas and Austin, all have reputable clubs.
My entry point to the lifestyle was through the club and the benefits are easy to list: it is relatively low lift (low expense and low time commitment); you will be surrounded by people from your city (so presumably there is some level of kinship or cultural fit already); this will be your “home base” as a swinger, if you like it, where you can network and make friends and new spicy connections; and the setting is something you are relatively familiar with (a club) but it has playrooms and (probably) naked women running around. The downsides are 1) sometimes the club is slow or the DJ is bad; 2) some clubs have hotter people than others; 3) some clubs do not feel as safe as others (for example, I’d recommend couples go on a night that does not allow single men); all of which you will know only after finding out for yourself. Also, if you are not typically a person who likes club settings, or a person who can pick someone up in such a setting, you may not find success in terms of hookups. Start-up Difficulty: Low. Conversion rate: Variable.
Option B) Online
The next common way people enter the lifestyle is by meeting other likeminded folks online. This is especially true if you do not live in city with a club. The biggest sites for meeting couples are SDC and Kasidie, but there are lots of options out there, including SLS and Feeld. Just like any online dating site, you and your partner (or, singles can also) make a profile, indicate who you are and what you are interested in, and then begin conversations by liking other couple’s profiles and sending messages. This may appear to be a low lift option, but compared to going to the club, it is definitely more time consuming. And, be warned, some profiles are not real and some profiles are not up to date, so you want to validate that they exist and get recent photos (a common ask is a photo with today’s date) before agreeing to go on a date. Then, many couples do not feel comfortable playing on the first date, which may be your speed, but it takes work to keep the conversation flirtatious rather than platonic and also keep getting together with people. Will you host? Get a hotel? Lots of logistics here.
At the same time, online has its pros. We like the app for finding specific people we are interested in, like bi-bi couples. The pool is much bigger and less randomized than any night at the club, which allows you to be super intentional and narrow the field. Plus, you can also connect across states in case you are traveling and looking for a good time. It seems a great deal of people in the lifestyle never or rarely visit their local club. The online approach also encourages you to build more of a friendship base before hooking up. Finally, each of the online options will keep you in the know by showing you upcoming events and parties in your area. After two years in the lifestyle, we are just now exploring the apps, but so far we like it. Start-up difficulty: Low. Conversion Rate: Low.
Option C) Lifestyle Vacations: Cruises & Resorts
Finally, and I think this is the best way to enter if you can afford it, consider taking a lifestyle vacation. Both Temptation Cruise and Temptation Resort (Cancun) are geared toward for “open minded” people who might be interested in the lifestyle (as well as lifestyle couples and singles). There are clothing optional and topless optional areas, pool parties, daytime events, workshops, and nighttime club-like parties with great DJs to give you a vacation that is a wild party, among swingers, but no one is expected to be a swinger. The same is true for Desire Cruises, I think Desire Resorts are more exclusively swingers, but I haven’t been. There is also Hedonism II in Jamaica, and the Bliss Cruise, neither of which I’ve attended, but are known to being friendly to people who aren’t sure but want to see for themselves. If choosing a resort, some do theme weeks so you can overlap with other people in the same age bracket.
The reason I love the vacation option is because it takes a little bit of time to shed vanilla-world, and these experiences allow you to marinate in the shame-free, carefree space a little longer. You will acclimate and grow in confidence. You will run into and speak to the same people multiple times and have time to build a connection with them before play — sort of like mixing the pros of online with the pros of the club. It is more of an investment, so it depends, perhaps, on how confident you are you will like this, or at least not regret spending your money this way rather than another vanilla vacation. But let me convince you: on this vacation, there are parades of topless women. On this vacation, you can be naked whenever you want. On this vacation…there are no kids. And everyone you meet will be a friend you haven’t met yet. I can’t guarantee you’ll have fun, but if you think you’d have fun, I can guarantee you are right. Start-up Difficulty: High. Conversion Rate: High.
Good luck out there! xxx, Honey
